Hello blog land,
Just to share with you about myself before I dive into this piece and really this blog commitment.
I’m Rachael, a compulsive over eater, food addict, emotional eater and binge eater. I love people, painting, giving, coaching people, teaching, entertaining, cooking, baking, watching movies, hiking, being active, shopping, reading, celebrating, playing games, and more. I find joy in most things these days.
I am a terrible writer. I can guarantee authentic writing from my heart. I can’t guarantee it will always be grammatically correct, or that my spelling is always correct. I will do my best.
I started writing this blog to help me cope and deal with my eating disorder. I’ve self diagnosed myself with a plethora of “not otherwise” specified ideas under this eating disorder. It is not the typical of what you think an eating disorder usually is. When most people think of eating disorders they think of bulimia and anorexia. People talk about them. People who have them are less likely to talk about them. We hear about, read about them and know more information about them. Though what is rarely talked about is why we have them.
I personally struggle with an eating disorder that isn’t talked about as often. Actually people who are heavier are considered fat, lazy, and well… I bet you can fill in the rest of your assumptions.
I have been heavier most of my life and at this moment, age 30 I have the strongest grasp over myself, my body, my food, my life that I’ve had most of my life. I can share my weight with you later, actually, I will let you continue to assume what I am, or you can just ask. Though, does it really matter how much I weigh? Not really.
I don’t’ want to say I suffer from, rather I’m a surviving from food addiction, emotional eating, over eating, compulsive overeating, binge eating and a few other things that I probably even now am un-aware of. At this time I do not want to get into it that deeply, as that is what my blog will uncover. What I can tell you is that these behaviors are learned, and continue because of beliefs about myself. These beliefs include but are not limited to my self worth, abilities, capabilities, self love, and beauty. These learned behaviors affect my relationships (family, friendships and romantic), and comes out in a plethora of ways.
My intentions of this blog are to address the different things that come up with eating disorders, addiction and my authentic self living through them. I want to include the why and my truth, in a very raw fashion.
With all of that said, I am going to keep my first entry short and sweet. I just wanted to give a brief entry as an intro to let you know who I am and what’s to come. I do have a history with an eating disorder, and food addiction though I do not have professional training from a school or have a license in anything (other than my own drivers license). I am making moves every day to help make this better, and what works for me may not always work for you.
I give this blog as an offering more from my journey’s perspective than solving your problem. What works for me may not work for someone else. ALSO, there has not been and will probably continue to not be only one contributing factor to my growing from this process. It is REAL, it is HARD and I have committed to a journey.
Thank you for being a part of my journey, I am looking forward to growing with you!