Picking

I cannot remember the first time I picked my skin, but I remember in middle school getting zits and popping them. I think this is where my picking nature started.

I remember I would wear makeup to cover up the zits that would form on my face. Makeup covered all of my flaws and made me look like someone else. Which I covered more in my last post.

I have this thing on my upper arms where I get little red bumps. I was and am really self conscious of them. I started picking at my arms I think to deflaw them, which only made it worse and then from there I developed it further with picking at my chest, stomach and now legs. It’s a super nasty habit. I don’t get why I still do it, and I go through trends where I do it more often than not. 

It is linked, I think to more the self hatred, self harm side of me and body perfection. I get it though, it’s so not logical to pick your body to gain body perfection. I mean… I now have scars all over my body from it.

Scars that I’ve accepted, scars that I’ve grown to love and accept as a part of me and my days of hurting my body. They are battle wounds in a way. I have and am surviving addiction of food and self loathing. Those scars are apart of this journey.

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