Scale no more.

I have gained 30lbs back, and this is what I kept track of before I stopped weighing myself.

What gives you say? AND YOU DID WHAT?!

Well… First of all lets address the “I stopped weighing myself piece”.

I stopped weighing myself because of the nasty games I would play in my brain. You know the ones. What really took the cake, was when I had lost weight, or when I wasn’t as heavy as I thought I was, I used it as an excuse to eat more. How fucked up is that? I can’t believe how weight, or a scale can manipulate you like that.

When I did weigh myself, I would find that I would be disappointed in myself. I found that it made me feel like shit, and my self worth would be less if I wasn’t down in weight. I know that I feel like my self worth is based on my weight, so why would I keep continuing to use a tool that would continuously re affirm something so nasty.

I know there will be a point where I will have to weigh myself again. Like if I go to the DR, or eventually I’d like to get to the point where I am able to step on the scale to check where I’m at, and not let that number control what happens to my mind or body.

It’s been a pivotal step in my growth, and helping me gain back my self worth.

I don’t really care about the weight I’ve gained back. Okay I do, but not in the way that you would think. I care because I can’t keep buying new pants. I’m broke.

I’ve been really trying to focus in on things that are important to me, and following my dreams.

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Perceived Progress.

This is not a weight loss journey, it is a journey to help my self become a better person and to stop fighting this obsession with food.

I wanted to talk for a minute about perceived progress.

As you know, I’ve talked about progress in the past, in a very specific way that has been more geared towards the relationship with food, and my voice in food… And really the way I can manipulate my food in order to get the results I want with my body.

This is not the message I want to get across when I talk about progress. It’s not about weight loss, it’s not about the manipulation of your surroundings to get the results you want in your body.

I will talk more about my voice in food in the future. I think I mentioned it before, but It is a huge important part of this journey.