Timeline:

I know I have dumped a lot today.

I just wanted to give a time line of the last year and a half or so, just so you can see what’s been going on.

A year ago… in September of 2016 I made the decision to move out of the house I was living in with Jacob and move on from that relationship. A friend also passed away at this time.I thought I was going to live by myself and to do that I needed to make more money, so I applied for new jobs and went to several interviews over the next year.

In the Spring time of 2017 I found out that my dad had gone into a home. I was told by one of my sisters, and at the time I didn’t know what to do.

At the time with the breaking up with Jacob (took me almost a year to leave), I decided to do nothing about my dad.

I started looking for a place in June to move in with roommates. I found a place and moved out in August.

In October I moved back into Jacob’s house and we were engaged and started planning a wedding.

In late December of 2017 I received a call from my brother stating dad was in the hospital. I visited him in January of 2018, the day after he got out of the hospital…. And he passed early March 7th.

—All of these things were hard, and I made it through at my own pace.

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I disabled Facebook.

You won’t find me there, so yah. It became really easy when I realized that I could keep Facebook messenger, and get rid of the other part.

I did it in January, because of all of the things that were happening in my life.

It became super overwhelming and I became very addicted to “scrolling” through Facebook and checking out in the process.

I also was tired of reading every-ones bullshit. Because people only really post things to create an allusion that their life is something… Something that it is or isn’t. I was getting caught up in this world of drama, that I didn’t want to be apart of anymore.

I also got caught up in some self worth by how many likes I got, who was saying what and how people were reacting to me. I know that posting things and getting involved with FB is a choice, and I just didn’t want to make it a choice I could access for a while.—So i could actually focus on myself, and what my needs were, versus what others want to see or want me to be.

Some positives that have come out of it: Perhaps my relationships are improving. A friend of mine invited me to her birthday in person because she realized I didn’t have Facebook and wasn’t apart of her event thing on FB. So that’s cool—

I think It will swoop back in my life in a few months. Facebook is a great way to get a hold of everyone during wedding times.

What I haven’t told you.

I moved back in with my partner in October and were getting married.

I moved out in August, with this lovely gal I met off of craigslist. I think I wrote about this experience earlier.

In September, Jacob and I started to talk. He suddenly had all sorts of things he wanted to say to me. We met in person at his house, and talked for hours– Mostly him wanting to tell me all of the things he didn’t have the courage to say before. I left his house, more confused than before, with him saying that “If I made a move I know what hat means” –We would get engaged and get married… and eventually have a child.

The next day he invited me to watch the football game with him on Sunday.

I was even more confused than before. And rolled over in my head and conversation with him that I didn’t know what to do… I ended up at his house again, and we talked more about us being together and what that would look like. He said he wanted to marry me, but needed more time. I told him I was done waiting for him. That’s when Jacob got quiet, he put his head down and after a few seconds he began to cry and said “I want to Marry you”

I moved back in, in early October and — Our official engagement happened in November. He wanted to take me out for dinner, and all weekend kept trying to get me to go out to where we first met, but couldn’t get me out of the house. While I was downstairs brushing my teeth, he had lit candles in our bedroom, and had hid my ring in one of the empty jewelry boxes on my dresser. When I found the ring, he got down on one knee and asked me to Marry him. And here we are, engaged and planning a wedding.